Trusting Jesus.

“Back then I’d be lying in bed or walking down a hallway at college,
and the realization I was alive would startle me, as though it had
come up from behind and slammed two books together. We get robbed of
the glory of life because we aren’t capable of remembering how we got
here. When you are born, you wake slowly to everything. Your brain
doesn’t stop growing until you turn twenty-six, so from birth to
twenty-six, God is slowing turning the lights on, and you’re groggy
and pointing at things saying circle and blue and car and then sex and
job and health care. The experience is so slow you could easily come
to believe life isn’t that big of a deal, that life isn’t staggering.
What I’m saying is I think life is staggering and we’re just used to
it. We all are like spoiled children no longer impressed with the
gifts we’re given- it’s just another sunset, just another rainstorm
moving in over the mountain, just another child being born, just
another funeral.”

-Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

 

When I read these words in Don Miller’s latest book, they effected me immensely. I felt convicted, and disgusted with myself that I had become numb to the gifts we have been given on this earth. Lately, I have been going through some changes and realizing the greatness of God in ways I never have before. This transformation is a painful, but beautiful experience. I am learning what it looks and feels like to be obedient to the Lord. That like Hebrews 12 tells us, it’s a sorrowful path for the moment, but produces the righteous fruit of peace. Every day my heart and eyes are opened a little more to this peace.

Don Miller’s book inspired me. The message of it continues to inspire me daily. I want to create a better story. He says that “When we look back on our lives, what we will remember are the crazy things we did, the times we worked harder to make a day stand out.” Every day I pray for this. I pray for situations to arise and for me to be open to ways I can do this. I think that sometimes the things in life that will effect us the most and mold us into the individual God longs for us to be, are the choices we make that are the hardest to do. God calls us to live outside the box in a world that’s too easily satisfied with staying within the boundaries. I want to step outside these lines. God use me. Grant me the strength to rely on Your strength alone. Right now, my only job is to trust You, Jesus. May I never forget it.

 

Blessings.

 

Every day is just another day and in that I find peace.

Days of gray fade in

In them, I find a friend.

The rain begins to fall

You cover all.

Soft & gentle are Your words

Just like the drops of love that flow from above.

Rinse me with Your Peace.

My mind has gotten too big to think.

You are holy

You are wonderful

You are beautiful

Wash me new

You are marvelous

Every part of this

You are solitude

You are here.

Walking down these roads, I start to feel like home.

Wondering if this world’s good enough on it’s own.

You bring me back to You again and here I go…

I live for You.

Take me

Wash my hands of this world and

Use me

Cover me with Your love and renew me.

I am Yours and You are mine.

10.23.08

I am small tonight.

Words of doubt come across my mind.

Where are you when I need you most?

I walk each day as a ghost…

Morning crashes in

I wake up tarnished with the debt of my sin

Reveal to me Your face

And take me away from this place
Father save me now

Take my hand and

lead the way

Guide my heart

to Your own ways

Maybe then I’ll feel Your grace…

When I hold his hand,

am I strong enough now

to trust Your plan?

To stray from the evil that will surley land.

Father break my heart and crush my own plans.

You are big enough.

You are stronger than man.

Yes, You are big enough.

Mold me into a daughter of Your own hands.

I am weak tonight.

But love has found me in it’s own light.

You are bold tonight…

My life is turning into what seems right.

seattle.

so i have been here for a little over a week. so many emotions and experiences have filled my days here so far that i’m not sure if it’s possible to communicate with ya’ll how i feel.

moving to seattle has been one of the biggest & toughest decisions thus far in my life. everything seems so far away and distant. I knew upon moving here that i would be lonley and it would be hard, but it was so much easier to feel as if i would be okay with that when i was surrounded by a group of my fellow youth group members, or walking the streets with my family. Now that I am here by myself I question my decision.

Although I know it is in His will that I am here and I know without a doubt that this is where I am meant to be right here..right now..I pray that I would be delivered peace and certainty as to how long my time in seattle entails.

I am thankful for the people I have spent time with here because they have been such an encouragment and good company for me as i try to keep my mind off home. I feel as if I am having to rely on our Lord more than ever and for that i am thankful as well. it’s a really cool realization when you come to find out that only HIS words can bring peace and only HIS love can succomb darkness.

My thoughts are constant prayers as I walk streets and places I am unfamiliar with.

Heal me. Use me. Renew me.

the last.

today marked yet another “last” of many that have been happening lately. But today’s “last” was the most genuine and most difficult yet. Today was my last Tamina Thursday.

I have been spending most of my Thursdays throughout Junior High & Senior High with a group of children over at The Tamina Community Center. I’ve seen not only the actual building grow, but the children and families as well.

I have always dreaded this day and as it unexpectedly arrived today, a sadness overwhelmed me that is rare and bittersweet. All I could think of while we spend our usual hour there was..Jesus please let the children continued to be loved..and please make each moment I have left to spend with them meaningful and fun..

As the minutes passed and the time came to say goodbye, I contained myself and gave each child a hug and a “hope to see you this summer” farewell. I approached the last child with tears in my eyes and gave them a hug with hesitance; I didn’t want to accept that the time had really come.

As I got in my car to drive to work I listened to my music loud and tried to keep my tears in. I had to be at work in five minutes, and I didn’t want to show up a mess.

So it wasn’t until just about a half hour ago that I really got upset. I uploaded the pictures from today at Tamina and simply cried.

I will miss the rejuvenating smiles of each and every child and the humble wave hello from Mrs. Shirley. I am so thankful for my years spent getting to know the people of The Tamina Community Center. My eyes and heart have been opened to a culture right outside our own little bubble of one.

My love always will be strong for my Tamina babies. My prayers always for them. In my heart, no matter where I end up, they will remain.

i will remember you

Many smiles, laughs and the occasional tears of small fights gone bad, are shared while spending Thursday afternoons at the Tamina Community Center. Throughout the past 5 or so years of my getting to know the children, I have come to know them each pretty well-I know their insecurities, struggles and needs..I’ve come to essentially know their overall “spirit.”

Today was a day at Tamina that I will never forget.

Asiah is one of the little girls who I’ve gotten to know especially well this year. She is around 8 years old and sometimes longs to have all of my attention, constantly telling me that “I’m her friend only..no one else’s”, and “play with me-not her.” Sometimes, I get frusterated and find a way out of the situation, trying my best to get her involved with playing with the other children and me as well.

Children will be children, and the ones at Tamina have a certain aggression to them that seems to be more over-developed than most children their ages. Flaws are pointed out more bluntly, and the exchange of vulgar names frequently resounds in the air. Asiah happens to be one of the little girls that is picked on the most, and so my heart has always gone out to her. I know what it is like to be called names, and the pain that sticks with you each time insults are thrown your way.

Today, some of the children were being more aggressive and persistent than usual and I was having a hard time dealing with certain ones. Asiah played the role of my shadow the entire time and humbly held my hand as I tried to explain to children why kicking me, or any of the other adults, was not okay.

Towards the end of the day I found myself standing alone when all of a sudden, I felt little arms embrace me around my waist and a little head with bright, bold eyes staring back up at me when I looked down. Asiah’s big grin widened as I recognized her presence. She blurted out, “I will remember you.” The words caught me off guard, as I had not said anything about leaving for college next Fall-let alone even leaving for the day. I asked her what she said, to clarify my interpretation. She exclaimed once more, “I will remember you!” Then skipped off towards the basketball goals.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked up to Haley and told her of what had just occurred.

“I will remember you.”

Driving to work after Tamina I thought of what the innocent little girl had said to me. I began to realize that her statement is exactly what we, as believers, should do in every instance of our lives; remember You.

A little eight year old from Tamina Community Center might never know the impact she had on me today, but I know I will never forget hers.

So Lord, “I will remember You”..

I will remember You in the tears.

I will remember You in the laughter.

I will remember You in the struggles.

I will remember You in the solitude.

I will remember You in the morning, the afternoon, and the night.

I

will

remember

You.

rich young ruler.

Derek Webb’s music reminds me of my first trip to Guatemala. Listening to the songs stir up all the memories and the mystery of the place that I first felt when arriving. I remember sitting on the old stage in area 51 speaking about my time spent there and how it impacted me. One of Derek Webb’s songs came to mind, “Rich Young Ruler”, and I spoke on the relevancy of it in our community. The opening lyrics say this:

“Poverty is so hard to see
when it’s only on your tv and twenty miles across town
where we’re all living so good
that we moved out of Jesus’ neighborhood
where he’s hungry and not feeling so good
from going through our trash
he says, more than just your cash and coin
i want your time, i want your voice
i want the things you just can’t give me”

I’ve been listening to that album a lot recently. Maybe it’s because I miss the simplicity of Guatemala, or the genuineness of time spent at The Beacon,( a homeless aid center), downtown.  This past weekend I went down to Rice Village with my best friend Jenna. On the way home we were at the light at the intersection of the feeder and 242 and I noticed a homeless man cautiously propping a cardboard sign up in his arms that read, ” Need money, I’m hungry. God Bless.” I started scrummaging around in my purse, wishing I carried cash, when I realized I had a few extra dollars left over from earlier that day. I quickly pulled my wallet out and asked Jen to roll down the window to yell “Sir” and get his attention. As her voice echoed above the rumbling of engines, it finally reached his ears and revealed a hopeful look upon his face that moments before had been hidden. He made his way over to her car and with a grateful look on his face accepted the few dollars while thanking us repeatedly. “God bless yall”, he offered us his farewell and made his way down the road with a smile that’s only visible to those who allow themselves to truly seek deeper into individual’s hearts. As we drove off, all the stereotypical advice resounded in my mind, “don’t give homeless money, all they want is booze, they’re tricking you..”. I prayed he would choose not to use it on those things but quickly realized that whatever it was he chose to use my money on, I did not care. The exchanging of love bears a much greater weight than that of the materialistic items of this world. Whether that man bought himself a cold beer, or a warm blanket to sleep on that night-my hope is that he was able to see Jesus in me, the same way I saw our Savior in him.

Hope in the Midst

DSC_1065

Originally uploaded by sarahlace08

I took this picture when I was in Guatemala last summer; it will never cease to touch me.

rain falls down.

i am small

tears, they appear

You are big.

i am small

rain falls down

i am meek

You brush my cheek.

i am small

You cover all.