Every day is just another day and in that I find peace.
Days of gray fade in
In them, I find a friend.
The rain begins to fall
You cover all.
Soft & gentle are Your words
Just like the drops of love that flow from above.
Rinse me with Your Peace.
My mind has gotten too big to think.
You are holy
You are wonderful
You are beautiful
Wash me new
You are marvelous
Every part of this
You are solitude
You are here.
Walking down these roads, I start to feel like home.
Wondering if this world’s good enough on it’s own.
You bring me back to You again and here I go…
I live for You.
Take me
Wash my hands of this world and
Use me
Cover me with Your love and renew me.
I am Yours and You are mine.
I am small tonight.
Words of doubt come across my mind.
Where are you when I need you most?
I walk each day as a ghost…
Morning crashes in
I wake up tarnished with the debt of my sin
Reveal to me Your face
And take me away from this place
Father save me now
Take my hand and
lead the way
Guide my heart
to Your own ways
Maybe then I’ll feel Your grace…
When I hold his hand,
am I strong enough now
to trust Your plan?
To stray from the evil that will surley land.
Father break my heart and crush my own plans.
You are big enough.
You are stronger than man.
Yes, You are big enough.
Mold me into a daughter of Your own hands.
I am weak tonight.
But love has found me in it’s own light.
You are bold tonight…
My life is turning into what seems right.
so i have been here for a little over a week. so many emotions and experiences have filled my days here so far that i’m not sure if it’s possible to communicate with ya’ll how i feel.
moving to seattle has been one of the biggest & toughest decisions thus far in my life. everything seems so far away and distant. I knew upon moving here that i would be lonley and it would be hard, but it was so much easier to feel as if i would be okay with that when i was surrounded by a group of my fellow youth group members, or walking the streets with my family. Now that I am here by myself I question my decision.
Although I know it is in His will that I am here and I know without a doubt that this is where I am meant to be right here..right now..I pray that I would be delivered peace and certainty as to how long my time in seattle entails.
I am thankful for the people I have spent time with here because they have been such an encouragment and good company for me as i try to keep my mind off home. I feel as if I am having to rely on our Lord more than ever and for that i am thankful as well. it’s a really cool realization when you come to find out that only HIS words can bring peace and only HIS love can succomb darkness.
My thoughts are constant prayers as I walk streets and places I am unfamiliar with.
Heal me. Use me. Renew me.
today marked yet another “last” of many that have been happening lately. But today’s “last” was the most genuine and most difficult yet. Today was my last Tamina Thursday.
I have been spending most of my Thursdays throughout Junior High & Senior High with a group of children over at The Tamina Community Center. I’ve seen not only the actual building grow, but the children and families as well.
I have always dreaded this day and as it unexpectedly arrived today, a sadness overwhelmed me that is rare and bittersweet. All I could think of while we spend our usual hour there was..Jesus please let the children continued to be loved..and please make each moment I have left to spend with them meaningful and fun..
As the minutes passed and the time came to say goodbye, I contained myself and gave each child a hug and a “hope to see you this summer” farewell. I approached the last child with tears in my eyes and gave them a hug with hesitance; I didn’t want to accept that the time had really come.
As I got in my car to drive to work I listened to my music loud and tried to keep my tears in. I had to be at work in five minutes, and I didn’t want to show up a mess.
So it wasn’t until just about a half hour ago that I really got upset. I uploaded the pictures from today at Tamina and simply cried.
I will miss the rejuvenating smiles of each and every child and the humble wave hello from Mrs. Shirley. I am so thankful for my years spent getting to know the people of The Tamina Community Center. My eyes and heart have been opened to a culture right outside our own little bubble of one.
My love always will be strong for my Tamina babies. My prayers always for them. In my heart, no matter where I end up, they will remain. 
Many smiles, laughs and the occasional tears of small fights gone bad, are shared while spending Thursday afternoons at the Tamina Community Center. Throughout the past 5 or so years of my getting to know the children, I have come to know them each pretty well-I know their insecurities, struggles and needs..I’ve come to essentially know their overall “spirit.”
Today was a day at Tamina that I will never forget.
Asiah is one of the little girls who I’ve gotten to know especially well this year. She is around 8 years old and sometimes longs to have all of my attention, constantly telling me that “I’m her friend only..no one else’s”, and “play with me-not her.” Sometimes, I get frusterated and find a way out of the situation, trying my best to get her involved with playing with the other children and me as well.
Children will be children, and the ones at Tamina have a certain aggression to them that seems to be more over-developed than most children their ages. Flaws are pointed out more bluntly, and the exchange of vulgar names frequently resounds in the air. Asiah happens to be one of the little girls that is picked on the most, and so my heart has always gone out to her. I know what it is like to be called names, and the pain that sticks with you each time insults are thrown your way.
Today, some of the children were being more aggressive and persistent than usual and I was having a hard time dealing with certain ones. Asiah played the role of my shadow the entire time and humbly held my hand as I tried to explain to children why kicking me, or any of the other adults, was not okay.
Towards the end of the day I found myself standing alone when all of a sudden, I felt little arms embrace me around my waist and a little head with bright, bold eyes staring back up at me when I looked down. Asiah’s big grin widened as I recognized her presence. She blurted out, “I will remember you.” The words caught me off guard, as I had not said anything about leaving for college next Fall-let alone even leaving for the day. I asked her what she said, to clarify my interpretation. She exclaimed once more, “I will remember you!” Then skipped off towards the basketball goals.
Tears filled my eyes as I looked up to Haley and told her of what had just occurred.
“I will remember you.”
Driving to work after Tamina I thought of what the innocent little girl had said to me. I began to realize that her statement is exactly what we, as believers, should do in every instance of our lives; remember You.
A little eight year old from Tamina Community Center might never know the impact she had on me today, but I know I will never forget hers.
So Lord, “I will remember You”..
I will remember You in the tears.
I will remember You in the laughter.
I will remember You in the struggles.
I will remember You in the solitude.
I will remember You in the morning, the afternoon, and the night.
I
will
remember
You.
Derek Webb’s music reminds me of my first trip to Guatemala. Listening to the songs stir up all the memories and the mystery of the place that I first felt when arriving. I remember sitting on the old stage in area 51 speaking about my time spent there and how it impacted me. One of Derek Webb’s songs came to mind, “Rich Young Ruler”, and I spoke on the relevancy of it in our community. The opening lyrics say this:
“Poverty is so hard to see
when it’s only on your tv and twenty miles across town
where we’re all living so good
that we moved out of Jesus’ neighborhood
where he’s hungry and not feeling so good
from going through our trash
he says, more than just your cash and coin
i want your time, i want your voice
i want the things you just can’t give me”
I’ve been listening to that album a lot recently. Maybe it’s because I miss the simplicity of Guatemala, or the genuineness of time spent at The Beacon,( a homeless aid center), downtown. This past weekend I went down to Rice Village with my best friend Jenna. On the way home we were at the light at the intersection of the feeder and 242 and I noticed a homeless man cautiously propping a cardboard sign up in his arms that read, ” Need money, I’m hungry. God Bless.” I started scrummaging around in my purse, wishing I carried cash, when I realized I had a few extra dollars left over from earlier that day. I quickly pulled my wallet out and asked Jen to roll down the window to yell “Sir” and get his attention. As her voice echoed above the rumbling of engines, it finally reached his ears and revealed a hopeful look upon his face that moments before had been hidden. He made his way over to her car and with a grateful look on his face accepted the few dollars while thanking us repeatedly. “God bless yall”, he offered us his farewell and made his way down the road with a smile that’s only visible to those who allow themselves to truly seek deeper into individual’s hearts. As we drove off, all the stereotypical advice resounded in my mind, “don’t give homeless money, all they want is booze, they’re tricking you..”. I prayed he would choose not to use it on those things but quickly realized that whatever it was he chose to use my money on, I did not care. The exchanging of love bears a much greater weight than that of the materialistic items of this world. Whether that man bought himself a cold beer, or a warm blanket to sleep on that night-my hope is that he was able to see Jesus in me, the same way I saw our Savior in him.
I took this picture when I was in Guatemala last summer; it will never cease to touch me.
rain falls down.
i am small
tears, they appear
You are big.
i am small
rain falls down
i am meek
You brush my cheek.
i am small
You cover all.
My eyes, my ears and my heart have been opened this weekend. Learning about the history of my city, Houston, and gaining knowledge about the uniqueness of the different Wards, and most of all, working side by side with true servants of The Lord loving the homeless men, women and children for the weekend. While working at The Beacon, a place designed to provide people on the streets with food, clean laundry and showers, I was assigned the job of checking in and registering new people. I loved this job due to the fact it allowed me to identify with each person in a different way. An elderly man walking through the door, my mind shouted out at me, “that could be my Grandpa”, a woman with her older daughter, “my mom and I”. Throughout most of the morning most of the individuals who entered the Beacon’s doors were in their twenty’s at least, and up into the elderly ages. Despite my awareness of street children, I had never had any interaction or witnessed seeing any before. When the first child walked through the doors with his Father, I couldn’t help but immediately think of the movie, The Pursuit of Happiness. The Father approached Krishten’s desk while the child hopelessly dragged his feet towards mine. With little to say, he gave me his name and thanked me for his ticket which I gently handed him. Tears flooded my eyes as he walked away with his head still down. He couldn’t have been more than 9 years old, and forever he will have touched my heart.
Moments and experiences like these are the ones that change the way I view people, our world, and this life. Witnessing firsthand the multitude of people on the streets just in Houston has sparked something in me. It’s convicting to realize how much is able to be done, and is try to be done, but not enough people are taking part in it.
While registering new clients at the Beacon, I was required to read over a set of rules and guidelines prior to completing the rest of the questions and form. Each time I had a new client approach me, I could feel the pressure arise in me and would suddenly become so uncomfortable. Haley Graham always talks about how “[the Lord places us in uncomfortable situations because it's in those moments where we are able to truly show His love]“. Her words resounded in my head with each rule I would read aloud. Lots of times new clients would become very defensive in assuring me that “no, no ma’am, I’m not into drugs anymore” and when I came to the rule about no violence, “no I wouldn’t hurt a fly”. Pain struck me as I realized that this is the way the society views these people, and has always viewed them in the past. Therefore, they have no other option but to defend their selves. It has become “normal” for them to be viewed like this.
I wish I could have somehow captured every single sight I witnessed this past weekend, or recorded each conversation for each of yall to see or listen to yourselves. But unfortunately, that would have probably been a little weird, and made things a little less REAL. All I cay say and do is encourage you to get involved with the “Jesus’ in disguise” in our world. They can be found everywhere you go, if only you take the time to notice them. Living so close to Houston, we have numerous opportunities to get involved in actually DOING something, instead of just talking about how we SHOULD. This is truly living out the mission. Getting involved in organizations and people like I was blessed to meet and work with this weekend are living in true community with each other, and their actual community around them.
On Sunday we attended St. John’s United Methodist downtown for their 10:00 AM service. I am always excited when we attend a predominately African American church because it is in them that my eyes are open to what a real church family looks like. The intense passion they all share for the Lord and true worship is contagious and one can’t help but join in on the dancing and shouting out to the Lord. From the second you walk into St.John’s and the minute you walk out the door, you are embraced with a huge hug from one of the spirited family members. True community; walk inside the doors of St.John’s and this is what you will experience.
I love Houston. And it is because of this trip that I have realized what an amazing city it is and the deep cry for help it is proclaiming to it’s own community. Reach out. Open your own heart to your own city; I can promise you-you won’t regret it.
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